It’s embarrassing to admit, but it’s time I come to terms with the fact that I’m a hoarder. Unfortunately, I don’t think the professionals on A&E are equipped to help me. I compulsively attempt to save romantic relationships that have little or no value. Even when the relationship is clearly doomed I keep trying. Spoiler alert: It never works. Even the relationship I have with my dying fiddle leaf plant is past its prime, but I refuse to give up on it.
The signs are always staring me in the face. My momma, my friends, and my therapist are usually all in agreement that I should end it. Yet I solider on filled with nothing but willful ignorance and sheer perseverance. My relationship hoarding doesn’t come from the fear of being alone. The joy I find in my solitude is something indescribable. I am scared of finding my person and letting them slip away. Never finding love is sad. Having it within your grasp and fucking it up is just depressing.
So despite all the glaring warning signs I continue on. I’m the woman in the scary movie running full speed down the dark, dead end alley. We all know how that story ends. Honestly, I ignore my intuition so often I’m surprised it still works. I don’t want to reminisce wistfully on past lovers and wonder if we could’ve worked. Scrolling longingly through their tweets hoping something alludes to our lost love, but finding I’m long forgotten. Maybe I’m doing it wrong, but dating is not easy for me. Finding a person I want to get to know is damn near impossible. So if, and I do mean if, I find someone with promise I put 110 percent into the relationship.
Nowadays, people don’t put effort into making relationships last .What ever happened to fighting for romance? At the first signs of imperfection millennials go in search of greener pastures. While I understand the temptation, it doesn’t make it any less annoying. Finding a new partner has never been easier. Instagram. Twitter. Tinder. You name it! Whoever you’re looking for is a quick DM or swipe away. You might not find “the one”, but you definitely won’t be lonely.
Holding on until the absolute end made me feel like an admirable person. Tough times be damned! None of my exes can ever accuse me of giving up. Unfortunately I’ve fallen into a disturbing pattern with most of my breakups. Either one or both of us end up hating each other by its demise. Something that could’ve been avoided if we had parted ways sooner. We knew it wasn’t working long before we got to that point. Every partner is not meant to stay in your life forever.
What is meant for you will always find its way. Have the courage to trust the vibes, because energy doesn’t lie. There is a difference between exploring the potential and not accepting the facts. Like puzzle pieces and ponytails, if love doesn’t fit don’t force it. No matter how my generation treats dating I’m staying true to myself. I refuse to stop giving my all in my relationships. Although, I’ve learned that everyone doesn’t deserve the luxury of unwavering commitment. Every person is not worth fighting for.
In the words of old church ladies everywhere, “If you knew better, you would do better”.
Idina Menzel sang an entire song about letting go and I still couldn’t take a hint. Thankfully I’ve seen the light and vow to change my hoarding ways. The first step in solving any problem is recognizing there is one. I should start using this intuition thing people keep talking about. I heard it comes in handy in matters of the heart.
Have you ever stayed in a relationship way too long? Is there an ex you regret breaking up with too soon? Could you or your ex have tried to make it work? Let me know in the comments
Janielle Shari is a sexuality educator, advocate and blogger based in Philly. She’s passionate about everyone having access to inclusive, comprehensive, and empowering sex education. She’s also an avid collector of useless facts and black t-shirts. You can follow her on Twitter & IG @_jbytheway
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